🛸 The Truth About Orland Hills Cow Disappearances 🐄

IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN, PEOPLE!

For the third time this month, local farmer Jim Henderson reports another one of his prized Holstein dairy cows has vanished without a trace. But this time, he has PROOF.

"I was up at 3 AM checking on Bessie when I saw it," Henderson told us while adjusting his tinfoil-lined John Deere cap. "A bright light, hovering over the pasture. Next thing I know, Bessie's floating up into the sky like she's on some kind of invisible elevator!"

The Evidence They Don't Want You to See

Strange Markings in the Fields

Multiple farmers report finding peculiar geometric patterns in their pastures:

• Perfect circles with no tracks leading in or out
• Grass bent at exactly 47.3-degree angles
• The mysterious appearance of crop circles spelling "DNS ERROR"

Eyewitness Accounts

Martha Williams (2 miles from Village Hall): "I saw three cows floating past my window last Tuesday. They looked confused but oddly peaceful. One was holding what appeared to be a parking ticket."

Bob Fischer (Local UFO Enthusiast): "The aliens are clearly trying to understand our parking enforcement system. Can you blame them for taking the cows? Even extraterrestrial beings can't figure out why the village uses a domain they don't own."

Anonymous Village Employee: "We've received multiple reports, but our IT department says the UFO sightings are just 'internal phenomena' that work fine from inside the building."

The Cow-Domain Connection

Our investigation has uncovered a disturbing pattern:

1. Every cow abduction occurs within 24 hours of someone receiving a parking ticket
2. The UFOs always hover near areas with poor internet connectivity
3. Witnesses report hearing a mysterious voice saying "well it works for us" before the abductions

Official Village Response

When asked for comment, the Village Administrator stated: "There are no UFOs in Orland Hills. Those are weather balloons. The cows are on vacation. Please pay your parking tickets at the correct website, whichever one that is."

The IT Director added: "Our internal systems show no evidence of extraterrestrial activity. From inside our network, all cows appear to be accounted for."

What You Can Do

1. Document Everything - If you see a floating cow, take pictures!
2. Check Your DNS - Aliens are attracted to improperly configured networks
3. Wear Protection - Tinfoil hats are recommended when near Village Hall
4. Count Your Cows - Keep a daily cow inventory
5. Learn About Domains - Understanding domain ownership may repel UFOs

The Shocking Truth

Sources close to the investigation suggest the aliens are actually trying to help Orland Hills set up proper IT infrastructure. One leaked transmission allegedly contained the message: "Even we know you need to own your domain, Earth creatures."

Latest Update:

Three more cows were reportedly seen ascending into a triangular craft near Route 45. The craft had mysterious markings that witnesses say looked suspiciously like "www.villageoforlandhills.com" - coincidence? WE THINK NOT.

Is your cow missing? Have you seen mysterious lights? Does your village print domains they don't own on official documents? Contact us at the domain they definitely don't control!